Broth Mix 'Mix Up'

Liz gave Fay a tip to make soup go further by adding broth mix = a mixture of seeds, beans, pulses (whatever they are) and dried peas of all things. What with the cuts, global warming and and the proposed Anglican Covenant, Fay thought this would be a good chance to 'do her bit' for World Poverty. As Ray always rings before he leaves work to tell her to get the mugs warm, she took the golden opportunity to ask him to call in to the Local Independent Supermarket (Tesburys) to pick up as much broth mix as they had in stock.

Imagine her disappointment when Ray arrived some time later with three bottles of Benylin Expectorant. He had spent a long time arguing with the Manager, who told him that he was only allowed to sell a maximum of three bottles of cough mix to any individual customer. Despite Ray's shouted assertions that once again Health & Safety had 'gone mad' and appearing ten minutes later wearing sunglasses and talking in a high-pitched Welsh accent to conceal his true identity (like Tom Cruise in that film) he could still only come home with a meagre three bottles.
Suffice to say it was reliable old vegetable Cuppa Soup for tea with no broth mix to help save the planet that night.

Our 'Stats'

Well, would you believe it! There's a so-called 'stats' feature on this blog that allows one to see just how many people have been looking at our blog, who they are, and where they live in the whole wide world.

Since we started in October, there are 4,398 so-called 'hits'. When Ray did a statistical analysis he found out 4,000 of the views have been from the Libyan Secret Police.

We're famous!

TTFN

Fay xxx

A Very Upsetting Week

It has been a Very Upsetting Week. Firstly, Fay discovered that BB King is not Italian.

Then, we employed a small builder, who specialised in small jobs to attend to some tiling in 'The Smallest Room In The House'. Unfortunately, he took the opportunity to tell Fay - in some considerable and unecessary detail - all about his recent vasectomy operation. Fay was extremely upset by these revelations, so much so that she telephoned 999 and insisted the police arrest the verbose builder on a charge of unrequested sexual harrassment. the so-called operater told her there was a) no such offence b) it was not a police emergency and c) she should "calm down and make a cup of tea".

Fay disagreed.

After her tenth call to the 999 service the police did in fact arrive and after what was an unpleasant altercation in the front garden, Fay was arrested and charged with "behaviour likely to cause a breach of the peace".

Naturally, our sleep patterns have been disrupted ever since and the matter has not been helped by an unwelcome contribution from Fay's so-called friend, Liz to the effect that the Government are considering mixed-sex prisons. The upshot is that Fay has gone from being terrified of incarceration in solitary confinement, to having to share a cell with a Hell's Angel called Moose. The shrieks as she wakes from her fitful sleeps have to be heard to be believed.

Is there ANYONE on this Internet of a 'Legal Eagle' disposition who can give Fay some (free) reassurance that she will not be imprisoned on a first offence?

Meanwhile, I have just one piece of advice for Liz, namely, It's not OK to upset Fay Bray on any day, so stay away, OK?

Ray Bray

Shocking Wind

It is a shocking windy day today out Bungay way.
My peg bag was actually blown off the washing line and into our next door neighbour Sergio's garden. Sergio is out til later, so now I can't peg my washing out and I've lost my peg bag and I'm surrounded by wet washing and I'm all behind. It's a terrible situation.
We say it's those wind farms affecting the environment. Ray says there's enough wind without wind farms and do you know, I think he could be right! We should all call for an Immediate Ban on wind farms. Now.
Still, I managed to calm myself down and am having my lunch hour with one of my favourite recipes.
Cuppa Soup.
Here's the recipe:

• I pk (packet) of Cuppa Soup  (chicken, vegetable, chicken & vegetable - whatever you want.)
• Water to taste

This serves one, but if there are two of you, use two pk (packets) of Cuppa Soup. If there are three of you, use three pk (packets) of Cuppa Soup. If there are four of you, use four pk (packets) of Cuppa Soup. If there are five of you, use five pk (packets) of Cuppa Soup. If there are more than five of you, then doing Cuppa Soup would be far too much bother, so I would never bother if there was more than five of you.

Empty Cuppa Soup packet into suitable cup.
Boil water
Pour Boiling Water into cup. Stir well. Sit back and enjoy a delicious Cup a Soup on a windy day!!!

TTFN Fay XXX

Breaky Crisis

At the weekend, we decided to have a "Hi-Tech Breaky" which involved preparing a bowl of delicious porridge in the microwave oven. Unfortunately, Fay was distracted by someone being killed on the radio. When she returned to her task, she continued with our usual breaky preppy - boiled egg (our 'normal' breaky) - forgetting all about the porridge languishing unloved and ignored in the tomb-like microwave oven.
She discovered the bowl today, as Wednesday is the day  the microwave oven is cleaned inside and out.(amongst other things!)
Ray said the porridge smelt like a horror film and it's the last time Fay tries a "Hi-Tech Breaky" whilst listening to a Radio 4 news programme. It's boiled eggs and relentless melodies only from now on.

Meat Crisis

Fay has a Meat Crisis.

Why do we call pig pork?
Why do we call cow beef?
Why do we call sheep mutton?
Why do we call lamb lamb?
Why do we call birds poultry?
Why do we call insides offal?
Why do we call stomach tripe?
Why do we call t*sticles sweetbreads?
Why do we call beefburgers hamburgers?
Why do we call beefburgers with cheese cheeseburgers?
Why do we call sausages sausages?
Why do we call lungs lights?
Why do we call baloons full of boiled congealed blood black pudding?

To help calm herself down, Fay made some delicious squirrel broth. Here's the recipe:

1 squirrel (diced)
some vegetables
2 pints water
salt
pepper

Put the squirrel, vegetables, and water in a saucepan.
Bring to the boil. Simmer for one hour. Add salt and pepper.
There! Delicious squirrel broth for these Autumn nights.
If you keep the eyes in, it will see you all through the week.

You can sometimes find your squirrel behind a radiator. They put babies down there.