Fay and Ray are committed Christians and go to church every Sunday at Easter and Christmas, but they don’t like it much because of the people.

Fay does a lot of voluntary work and Ray contributes to environmental concerns. He is a shareholder in a South American deforestation project. There’s enough rain without rain forests making more.

They have adopted a red-faced spider monkey in Colchester Zoo. He’s called Zombie.

Thursday 12 May 2011

Cherry Tomatoes

Who ever said cherry tomatoes are suitable for humans to eat!

They don't taste of anything, except battery acid. If you get the juice from them anywhere near a cut or an open eye, you need to see a doctor in the hospital. And they always explode. Even if they are cut into pieces {which you really need to do with a James Bond laser machine because the skins are so hard}they still explode and squirt their horrid acid juice either in your open eye or over clothes, furniture, pets, carpets, cars, televisions, small children, passers-by, other good food, blankets, computers, electrical power tools {which makes them wet, slippery and dangerous - especially if you are using them half blinded after cherry tomato juice gets in your open eye} - important paperwork, polished wood floors, binoculars, books, or the kitchenette.

This even happens if you think that putting a whole one in your mouth and chewing it up will solve the problem. No. It won't. Cherry tomatoes are highly pressurised and will easily send a jet of acid juice out through your mouth no matter how tightly you clamp your jaws together all over clothes, furniture, pets, carpets, cars, televisions, small children, passers-by, other good food, blankets, computers, electrical power tools {which makes them wet, slippery and dangerous - especially if you are using them half blinded after cherry tomato juice gets in your open eye} - important paperwork, polished wood floors, binoculars, books, or the kitchenette.

Who first brought these terrible things in to England? We don't mind foreign food like spaghetti hoops and that, but these cherry tomatoes should be burned out at sea. We don't care if we never see another one.

Here's a favourite recipe:

Ingredients:
Anything without cherry tomatoes in
Method:
Do the recipe without any cherry tomatoes. Serve hot or cold.

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