Headlining In That London

 WEDNESDAY August 21 – 8 30pm £5

Faye & Ray Bray, Robert White, Masoud Nokhas, Rob Law, Hannah Rosen, Dominic Alot, Sarah Mann, Wojtek Checkowski, + Live music from Al Mandolino

MCs Brian Damage & Krysstal + Anthony Miller

No "Secret Santa" For Ray. No Way.

 

 

Ray has been ostracised and marginalised again at Clays where he works {NOT for the first time}.

 

This time it is beacause he has boycotted the 'Secret Santa" Club they have going there this year.

 

Ray says why should he spend "Up-To-Five-Pounds" (sterling) on a present he doesn't want to give to a person he doesn't like and who doesn't like him and doesn't want the sort of present Ray would buy for them, at the same time wishing them a "Merry Christmas" through gritted teeth, all in November, when we haven't even started Advent? Ray says this isn't why Jesus came in to the world, God made flesh and all that.

 

He calls the club, "Secret Satan" and now nobody will talk to him or look at him.

 

"Poor Ray," you may be thinking.

 

"Well don't," he says. He prefers it that way.

Well We Would Like This, Wouldn't We!

http://fayrayseldorado.com/index.html

Fay found this so-called 'link' (whatever that is) whilst "surfing the nets". Now she just goes on and on and on and on and on and on and on on on on on on on on on on on on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about Arkansas.

A french Kong Comic book, a King Kong snow globe, stills from the original movie, ties, pens, ornaments, toys, salt & pepper shakers, Empire State Building Models, plates, stuffed animals and even an Ann Darrow Barbie doll.

Who knows. Maybe they will send us a luncheon voucher!

Fan of Fan Makers

We had an outing and well, what do you think we found?? Yes!! The actual real original proper site of the Fan Makers Company. Such a shame their hall was common. And in Cross Street. We'd have liked them to be in Jolly Street. Fay always has fun with fans, especially after a few white wines. Although the last time she attempted her  so-called 'Fan Dance' she nearly put the French Windows through.

Reconstruction Shocker For Liz

Fay's best friend, Liz, recently went in for some cosmetic 'Tidying Up' at a cut price clinic in Lowestoft run by a self-taught retired Danish fisherman, who it turns out is a little too fond of the turps for his own good.
Anyway, due to a combination of the fisherman's liquid breakfast and Liz's unfailing ability to make herself clear, she ended up with having her teeth plumped up, lips straightened and nose whitened.
What a shocker! Like we always say, " You get what you pay for".

Horse/Grizzly Bear Dilemma

Ray found out a grizzly bear can run faster than a horse. So, if ever we are attacked by a horse we have decided to make good our escape on a grizzly bear.

Fifty Shades of Bray

Ooooo it's been a long time. Well, Ray and me have been doing some more home improvements.
Since the Triplets left, their room has been in danger of becoming something of a shrine and we don't want that as we've already got one of those - Peter's room {but we don't talk about him}.
So, we threw all their remaining possessions and keepsakes down the dump and got rid of the 'trunk' beds {i.e. triple bunk beds - Ray always said it looked like the hold of a slave ship in there, but he designed and made the trunk beds in the first place. He's rarely satisfied with his own handiwork.}
Anyway, now we have what we like to call our "Beige Room of Pleasure".
It has two(2) comfy chairs, one (1) with a pouffe for Ray's poor legs and two(2) ocassional tables, PLUS a portrtatibble televsion and of course Ray's sound system. We go in there to relax upstairs, me with a family sized pack of delicious custard creams, Ray with a glass or two of the finest red wine. I can look at the television, while he listens to Nasrat Fateh Ali Khan on his hi-fidelity headphones. Bliss!

We should write a book!!!

TTFN

Fay

XXX

Queen Letdown

We tuned in to the Jubbilee so-called Concert but were very disappointed by the time it ended. Us Brays pride ourselves on being quite 'down with the kids' and pop pickers {although the hit parade seems full of nothing more than ring tones these days - whatever they are}.

We saw Sir Elton {always a disappointment}, Sir Paul {glad he's settled down and doesn't take any drugs at all} and Sir Cliff {now there's a nice boy. That Marylin Manson could take a leaf or two out of his book}.

We were hoping to see The Queen, as it was clearly advertised that they would be there, but they weren't!!! We especially like that funny one with the false moustache, who does all the dancing.

Well, that's the last Jubillee Concert we will be tuning in to.

And another thing... Is it two 'l's' and one 'b', or two 'bs' and one 'l' or two 'l's' and two 'bb's' or one 'b' and one 'l' or two 'll's' and one 'b' or one b'b' and two 'l's????

We know it's two 'e's'.

And one 'J'.

And wasn't the Coronation in 1953?

Kitchen Crisis

Ray and I were caught in the jaws of a kitchen crisis, but are now caught on the horns of a dilemma. He has heard {from goodness knows where - probably a so-called 'Kitchen Tip' off one of the 'Gold' channels} that if you put an oyster shell in your kettle, it doesn't fur up, keeping the dreaeded limescale at bay. Of course, oyster shells are quite hard to come by round Bungay way - even Tetbury's don't stock them, despite our repeated requests.

In a fit of inventiveness, Ray got some gravel from the front garden {it had a crocus bulb in it but Ray said that it wouldn't matter even though I said it would it would it would it would it would it would}. He also scooped up a discarded crisp bag which he later admitted may have been a mistake and to add the required maritime flavour from the absent oyster shell, popped in an old sardine tin. {We're extremely keen on oily fish and want to go to the Gulf of Mexico one year on holidays to sample some.}

Of course, as I could have said, after boiling and reboiling the kettle for an hour and a half, it eventually stopped working. We checked the guarantee, but there were no clauses to cover gravel/fish tin/flower/litter incidents so we had to invest in a new one.

It's safely home, but on page five of the instructions {page 5} it clearly states " do not leave appliance unattended whilst in use. Well . . . we all know what they say about a watched kettle!!!

I'm also a little concerned about the 'Personal Safety' 'bullet point' on the same page that says, "This appliance is not intended for use by persons (including children) with reduced physical, sensory or mental capabilities or lack of experience and knowledge unless they have been given supervision or instruction concerning use of the appliance by a person responsible for their safety".

Well, neither of us has had any instruction and Ray will certainly never take instruction or supervision from me or anyone else for that matter.

It's a dilemma.

TTFN

Fay

XX

Brrrrrrrrr! The Coldest Night Of The Year!

It's so chilly! I decided to cheer Ray up with an extra special desert. Our fave, Vienetta! Delicious!

TTFN

Fay  xxxx

Madagascar!!!



It's the Canvey Island of Africa!!!

Mule Smuggling Disaster

Can you believe it! Our eldest triplet (by 4 hours - it was long confinement) has been in bother with the interbanational police authorites again!!

Of course, we've all heard of so-called 'Drug Mules', well, May has only gone and tried to smuggle a real mule home from Ireland, where she was working as some sort of tester for a few months. Apparently, she saw it shivering in a Donegal field, felt sorry for it and managed to get the poor thing half way through departures at Dublin International Airport before she was arrested by the Irish police (or "Gardes" as they call them out there. Ray prefers the term "Coppers").

Let's hope she gets a light sentence as she didn't know what she was doing or why. Never has.

TTFN  Fay xxx

No Surprises Here

Suffolk enjoyed an uneventful, if in places noisy, start to 2012 as thousands of people across the county celebrated the start of Olympic year.

A spokeswoman for Suffolk police said officers had had a busy night, but there were no major incidents that they had had to deal with.

Overnight showers are thought to have persuaded many people to remain in indoor parties and to resist the temptation to spill out on to the streets at midnight.
Some people did set off fireworks to mark the start of the new year – but their efforts could not match the 10-minute extravaganza that heralded the New Year on the bank of the River Thames in London.

Insect Disaster

There we were at a children's tea party when a wasp flew right up Fay's frock, stinging her several times, which resulted in Fay running round the garden tearing her dress off and screaming like a banshee, followed by a line of toddlers doing the same, thinking it was a new and exciting party game.
Before too many of the dads could get their so-called 'camera-phones' loaded and firing, Fay managed to make a dash to the kitchen and stand in the sink, pouring jelly and ice cream impregnated washing up water over her rapidly swelling body. Thankfully Ray arrived with un-charactericstic kind and reassuring words, jumped on to the draining board and began smearing her with salt and vinegar crisps.
What and end to the party!
Bees make honey. Wasps make Marmite.

Trouble Down Under

One of our triplets, May - not the favourite - has got into trouble on her way back from Australia of all places. Seems she tried to smuggle a live wombat onto the aeroplane in her hand luggage after attempting to sedate the poor creature with a mixture of Haribos {whatever that is}, gin & tonic and some cheese.

Unsurprisingly, it's noisy whimpers were overheard by a keen airline official who refused to accept May's explanation of 'indigestion' as she tried to drown out the noise with cries of her own. A search of May's bag soon revealed the hapless marsupial {named 'Rupert'} befouling a fluffy hot water bottle case in the shape of a boomerang May was also bringing back as a present for one of her many friends.

We can't bail her out, mainly because we don't want to. Hopefully her stay in prison won't be too long or arduous, and at least they speak a rudimentary form of English there. May was always a big fan of 'Prisoner Cell Block H' {like her mother} so now's her chance to "Live The Dream".

No worries.

Here's A Thought...

What's the point of having a change when you can have a routine?

Result Result Result

Well, there's been quite a few developments in the Bray household recently - it isn't all watching the golden channels and wrestling with laundry.
Our triplets have all received their university (or "Uni") degree results
Jay (Media) 1:2
Kay (The History of Clay) 1:2
May (Fashion) 1:2

So, it's a straight 1:2, 1:2, 1:2 for our clever (and passably pretty) girls. Ray's best friend Pete Benjamins says it's like being at a sound check for a Pink Floyd gig, but as usual, we have no idea what he is going on about. Maybe he's been on the Guinness Cocktails!

Jay wants to get a job straight away as she hears there are quite a few openings with News International (whoever they are). We think she should work her way up and perhaps start as a cub-ette reporter on the Bungay Bugle or even Earsham Exagerator.
Kay is going to apply to do and M.A. in The History of Clay. That should come in handy round Bungay way one day.
May has taken a 'gap month' in Australia of all places to study original, aboriginal and unoriginal fashion.

We would be proud, but pride is a deadly sin. Nonetheless, yesterday Ray brought home a two litre bottle of Lambrini and we drank a toast to our girls until the room seemed to be spinning. It couldn't have been, of course.

Household Tips From A Comedy Genius

By mistake I was watching a re-run of 'Room 101' on one of the Golden channels and saw the very funny Peter Cook showing us how he hated modern packaging and how plastic bags wouldn't open properly when you want them to. Well, as he showed us a tip he received from a cashier girl on how to open plastic bags that he said never works, it worked. Now I use his method (or rather, the anonymous cashier girl's method all the time). I wonder where she is now.

You see, you can get household tips from funny men like Peter Cook (even though he did get a bit sweary toward the end) from beyond the grave. Isn't technology wonderful!!!

TTFN
Fay XX

Help With The Decorating Decisions

We're having the hall and landing done and can't decide {for the walls} between fawn, beige, off-earth, biscuit, tope, Cadbury Silk, mushroom, sunset brown, cinnamon, putty, mocha, heroin, light brown, light grey, cyan, mongolia, autumn compost, cream, white with a hint of chocolate, chocolate with a hint of white, marsh, Gatsby, light beige, or crimson gloss.

Can ANYONE out there help? Our neighbour, Sergio, who is booked to do the work when his back gets better is no use at all, just giving Continetal shrugs when we ask him again and again again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again what we should do over our colour conundrum.

The hall and landing is a contrasting colour at the moment that will go with anything.

Cherry Tomatoes

Who ever said cherry tomatoes are suitable for humans to eat!

They don't taste of anything, except battery acid. If you get the juice from them anywhere near a cut or an open eye, you need to see a doctor in the hospital. And they always explode. Even if they are cut into pieces {which you really need to do with a James Bond laser machine because the skins are so hard}they still explode and squirt their horrid acid juice either in your open eye or over clothes, furniture, pets, carpets, cars, televisions, small children, passers-by, other good food, blankets, computers, electrical power tools {which makes them wet, slippery and dangerous - especially if you are using them half blinded after cherry tomato juice gets in your open eye} - important paperwork, polished wood floors, binoculars, books, or the kitchenette.

This even happens if you think that putting a whole one in your mouth and chewing it up will solve the problem. No. It won't. Cherry tomatoes are highly pressurised and will easily send a jet of acid juice out through your mouth no matter how tightly you clamp your jaws together all over clothes, furniture, pets, carpets, cars, televisions, small children, passers-by, other good food, blankets, computers, electrical power tools {which makes them wet, slippery and dangerous - especially if you are using them half blinded after cherry tomato juice gets in your open eye} - important paperwork, polished wood floors, binoculars, books, or the kitchenette.

Who first brought these terrible things in to England? We don't mind foreign food like spaghetti hoops and that, but these cherry tomatoes should be burned out at sea. We don't care if we never see another one.

Here's a favourite recipe:

Ingredients:
Anything without cherry tomatoes in
Method:
Do the recipe without any cherry tomatoes. Serve hot or cold.