Reasonable Spirit

The Bray's have done all Christmas shopping done (apart from a few silly things) but heard on the wireless today they said the MINIMUM price for vodka will soon be £10.71 per litre - for health reasons. Fay & Ray are very concerned about good health and the environment and would love to get a few bottles at this price in case anyone comes round.

Where, oh where can they get some, please? Certainy not Tetbury's, their local so-called Independent Convenience store, or indeed any of the out of town hyper-markets in the Waveney Valley area - they've looked already this morning, driving to them all bright and early to beat the crowds. Ray has a day off sick with this horrible cold. He's been very queer

Fay's been nursing him with a flannel and some Germolene, where he's repeatedly rubbed his poor nose on his pillow.

Fay and Ray's World Politics

Well, they're having an election in Sudan to split the country in two. Fay and Ray take a keen interest in so-called World Affairs and see that many people are exercised over what the new countries should be called.

What a kerfuffle!

It's obvious the new countries should be called 'Sue' and 'Dan'. These are lovely names and should put a stop to all the arguing, argey bargey, and name calling. Not to mention torture, rape-as-a-weapon-of-war and genocidal tendencies displayed by so many of the Sudanese people with guns, bullets, knives, cigarette lighters, choppers, pick-up trucks (probably not insured), ropes, snappy dogs and sticks.

If only Fay and Ray were African leaders. There wouldn't be two-thirds the trouble there is.

Hats off to the Sudanese. Why have one country, when you can have two!

Good luck, Africa.

Well?

"Happy New Year".

What's "New" about it? It happens every year.

Free At Last

Wonderful news for 2011!

Fay today found out she has been let off with a caution by Essex Police (aren't they wonderful!!) following her yellow paint/monkey-faux-pas at Colchester Zoo. She has received a lifetime ban from The Zoo though, but we hope to appeal when the dust settles a bit. Needless to say Liz is keeping her head down - as usual when there's trouble about, especially when she usually causes it all.

So, normal sleep patterns have resumed at The Bray Household, and Fay triumphed again in the bedroom games "Guess The Time" event we so cleverly invented.

Last night Fay guessed 23:56 and Ray 00:48 when it was 23:44
Then Fay guessed 02:18 and Ray 01:32 when it was 02:07
Then Fay guessed 04:15 and Ray 06:30 when it was 03:59
Then Fay guessed 05:32 and Ray "Blinking Christmas Morning" when it was 05:29.

Bedroom Games

Fay and Ray have invented a wonderful new game in the bedroom.

Whoever wakes up during the night has to wake the other one and ask them to guess the time. The digital alarm clock (with DAB radio, whatever that is), is always covered with a November 1982 issue of the Reader's Digest as the light from the clock is rather too bright for purpose.

The one who guesses nearest the correct time  is the winner.

Last night Fay guessed 23:11 and Ray 00:24 when it was 00:48
Then Fay guessed 03:15 and Ray 01:56 when it was 02:48
Then Fay guessed 03:15 and Ray 06:24 when it was 03:34
Then Fay guessed 06:21 and Ray 02:36 when it was 06:40.

So last night, Fay was the winner by a country mile.

What hilarious times in the bedroom!

ANOTHER Brush With The Long Arm Of The Law

It's been another terrible week. Fay and Liz decided to go to Ipswich for some so-called Christmas shopping and a little light luncheon in the 'Drum And Monkey' public house.
Needless to say, bad went to worse, as is so often the case when Liz is on the scene, culminating with Fay being discovered trying to climb a fence in Colchester Zoo armed with an aerosol can, intent on  painting our adopted red faced spider monkey, Zombie, yellow.
The so-called security guards called the local police, who took Fay into temporary custody and she now awaits prosecution, convinced that Colchester Police will invoke United States law which states 'You will be arrested if you paint your horse in Vermont.' This is according to something on the Internet that Liz unhelpfully pointed out, along with the equally alarming information that the selling of horse urine in Vermont requires a license.
So once again, the Bray household is rent with Fay's nocturnal shrieks as she wakes, convinced she languishes in a New England gaol, being taunted by a sadistic Puritan warder.
When will this all end?

Yellow

Fay wants to paint EVERYTHING yellow.

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